Tuesday, 29 March 2016

BvS Dawn of Justice review

Understand this.

   I was Batman fan, then a DC fan, now I am an advocate of COMICS.

   I grew up when "grim n gritty" re-imaginings were a thing, Superman remained noble in death and there was a whole experiment to see how readers reacted to a Batman that killed. They didn't like it. I understand the core and history of these characters.

   Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice is better than Man of Steel.

   Mainly because it didn't piss me off as much. It's pompous, boring as fuck and virtually monotone. There's about five minutes more action than the trailers, it takes waaay to long to do anything interesting and the actors look trapped by their contracts.

   Cavil is just as earnest and dull as he was in MoS, Afleck isn't bad but only by virtue that all he has to do is wander about with a distant look on his face, Gal Gadot is quite good, but you've seen most of her screen time in the trailers, Eisenberg is fucking horrible and never stops trying to be the Joker, the rest are pretty good, especially Laurence Fishbourne as Perry White. Jeremy Irons is a delight as Alfred, but so under used it's tragic.
One facial expression to rule them all.
   The plot is over complicated and full of redundancies, for example the desert scene near the beginning, don't need it. The scene would have been fine if Superman had been even remotely heroic in the previous movie, thus justifying trying to discredit him. The destruction of Metropolis should be enough to make the world wonder about an unaccountable god. The story does make a sort of sense but it's too aware of its own enormity and moves at a glacial pace.

you have two choices, it's raining...
   The action is SO dull. There's glimpses of cool, the gas wearing off, the heat vision, the Batman warehouse scene that mostly appeared in a TV spot. The problems come from the quick editing and constant shot changes and everything takes place at night with cyan or sepia highlights, it's like a Victorian rave filmed by an epileptic.

or on fire.
    The biggest problem though is that what it lifts from the comic it clearly doesn't understand. Snyder is just a visual director and Goyer needs a much stronger director/producer to rain in his utter bullshit writing.It's a twelve year old's take on Batman, and that's going to lead into part two of this review.

  There's also the set up for the Justice League. The four other league members are ticked off a checklist and inorganically shoe horned in. The "dream sequence" is a bit cool though but, dammit, that's not the right actor.

   The worst part is this should have been a momentous, celebration of a long standing comic tradition; superheroes meet, fight, make up, defeat the bad guy but it labors every beat like it's a rowing drum on a slave boat instead of pounding out the baseline in the greatest nightclub ever.

   It's overlong, over stuffed and boring but it does at the very least build on Man of Steel and have a few moments of genuine heart. Moments, in a two hour fifteen minute slog through a miserable colour pallet. Give it another few movies and WB might get it right soon.

   The music cues are fucking weird to.

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

So yeah, apparently the Marvel cinematic Universe is "drab".

   As a fan of the comic adaptation genre, stuff like this tends to get on your tits. Admittedly it's badly written clickbait with as much worth as you give it and reacting to it sounds like you are defending the multi billion dollar company that doesn't know you exist but, well it doesn't know Noah Berlatsky exists either, and if it did happen to read this piece then would probably wipe away their tears of laughter with fifty dollar bills. So as the internet is in fact a level playing field and opinion, conjecture and bullshit are used as footballs, let's try and score a few goals for the geek team, as the corporate team have it covered.

Let's start here shall we?
As the publicity campaign for Captain America: Civil War escalates through a deafening crescendo, two things are clear. First, the film will make ungodly amounts of money. And, second, as an action film, it will be mediocre.
   First; I have heard one cinema owner say that without Marvel and other films in that ball park, cinema would be dying on its arse. So let's be grateful for the tentpole so you can have The Danish Girl yes?

   Second; So far the action has only improved in the MCU so I'm very curious as to what Berlatsky based this assumption on. Mr Berlatsky, can I borrow your time machine so I can see this as well?

   Berlatsky then goes on to further criticize a film he must have watched at a drive in from his Delorian before coming out with this nugget...
This isn’t art cinema snobbery.
   Yeah, it really is, I mean it REALLY really is. If you think the visual style between, say Thor and Captain America is the same you are clearly having these films described to you by a guide dog.

1940's New York
The Golden Realm of Asgard.
   From the Bifrost in Thor to the London pub in The First Avenger the films all have a distinct feel and look that's needed for that film. The action is drab? If the Hulk punching a space whale into the street of New York didn't move you in some way then nothing short of a snuff movie about pit fighting toddlers will satisfy you. The Hulk scene was indeed cgi, excellent cgi it HAD to be cgi because any other way of doing it would have looked shit. If you think cgi can't move you then I suggest you watch the furnace scene from Toy Story 3 and if it doesn't make you weep like a child then seek help because you have no fucking soul.
I well up just looking at this pic'.

   Cgi is there to evoke emotion, if you feel that you can't muster up a bit of a smile over a talking Raccoon then how did you feel about the skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts?

   You are being a snob, and forget shitting on the MCU, you are trying to shit on the fans of the MCU specifically. It's a bit pathetic. You don't have a go at the DC movies, or the Transformer series or any number of other franchise flicks that pour money into cinemas while people wait for the Oscar bait to come to Netflix, you picked a target with a vocal fanbase and well done, you got a bite. But like I said, the internet is a level playing field your words mean no more than mine in the digital scheme of things so rather than try and come across like an elitist prat, you stick to your end of the cinema scale and I'll stick to mine.

Go on, tell me that the place I live is a green screen....